Biggest Sellout/Transcript
Emo Crys is holding a can of spray paint. Emo Crys: Oh, precious can of paint, once lost in the darkest corners of my garage! Go forth with your colors and create. Emo Crys spray paints the light blue wall of an edgy, purple hamster riding on a skateboard. Lil Rob and Meaty enter. Lil Rob: Wicked paint skills, Emo Crys, but do you think it's the best place to build you mural wall. Spitball, Goggles, Jay Jay, and Jack Knife ram themselves over Emo's wall. Emo Crys: Everyone's a critic. It's my ultimate self-expression. (profoundly) A man, his paints and the empty canvas, yearning for its inner beauty to be discover. Jack Knife shows his butt, painted of a monkey. Jack Knife: Look! I made a butt monkey! We see Denise and her friends, Kate & Mary, walking with shopping bags, laughing. Denise finds Emo Crys, Meaty, and Lil Rob. She screams, then walks to the Grinders. Denise Are you guys tagging?! I am so telling anyone who can bust you! (calls out) Anyone?! Anyone?! Lil Rob: Chill, Denise. We're not tagging anything. It's a wall Emo Crys built for his artwork. Denise Wow...(walks to Emo Crys) Pretty cool...for a skate weenie. Emo Crys: Please don't. Compliments make me feel awkward. Kate or Mary: OMG! Your skate-weenie artwork would totally look awesome on my Pierre Labouef shirt! Kate or Mary 2: OMG! You'd look totally awesome! I totally hate you! Lil Rob: Denise and the clones are right! You gotta slap that hamster on some T-shirts, dude. Share your art with the world! Emo Crys: Be a sellout?! Turn my creation into a crass symbol of commercialism?! (walks to Goggles) It violates everything I stand for as a member of the League of Very Brooding Artists. (pulls out ID) Goggles: Umm...I suspect you're being violated even as we speak. Emo Crys gives out a shocking expression to see that Meaty is selling T-shirts with Emo Crys' image. Meaty: One size fits all! Especially if you already paid! Kate or Mary: (happy squeal) You look fantastic! I totally hate you! Lil Rob enters to Emo. Lil Rob: What's a few T-shirts gonna hurt? We might be able to make enough money to buy some new skate gear. Emo Crys: Even though I feel the rash already growing on my shins...OK. But just a few...T-shirts. Minutes later. Lil Rob: Your artwork is officially legendary. The people who are wearing shirts with Emo Crys' image begin to panick. Meaty notices that a white limo drives by, revealing Track Hucksterball. Lil Rob and Jay Jay meet him. Lil Rob: If it isn't Track Hucksterball. Track Hucksterball: Enough chit chat! Now who's the kid with the spray can thingy? (points to Emo Crys) You! Boy with the girlish haircut! I've got some big hamstery plans for your er...hamster! We'll slap that little rodent on toothpaste, cereal, lunchboxes, bear traps, very sharp glass and everything else grubby brats buy with mommy and daddy's money! A figurine of a tan-skinned hamster is shown inside the box. Goggles picks it up. Goggles: Ooooo...uncirculated and still in the box! Stubford Hucksterball lets the window down. Stubford Hucksterball Daddy! One of the Wild Losers is fogging up the action figure! Track pulls out a remote to shut the window in front of Stubford. Stubford Hucksterball No! Wait! I'll be quiet! (muffled) I promise! Track then snatches the figurine from Goggles and unboxes it. He gives it back. Track Hucksterball: Here ya go, kid. This little dolly is all yours. Goggles: (screams) OH!! Don't expose it on oxygen! He'll devalue! (sobs) Emo Crys tries to walk away, but is stopped by Track. Track Hucksterball: Stick with me, Gothica! You'll make a mint! Well, (chuckles) I'll make a mint. You'll just get one. (pulls out peppermint and eats) Mmmm..minty! Emo Crys: I appreciate your demoralizing presentation of how you'd poison my vision through mass mediocrity, but fortunately, I have to decline. Track Hucksterball: You can't refuse. (pulls out torn-up contract) It's all right here in the contract! Satan pops out, angrily growling. Lil Rob, Goggles, and Jay Jay enter the scene. Track Hucksterball: (chuckles) Wrong contract! Try this one. (gives clean contract to Lil Rob) Lil Rob: (reading) "I...the undersigned...give Hucksterball Industries 50% ownership...heretofore known as Hank the Happy Hamster...signed...(confused) What is this? A paw print? All Grinders: Meaty! Meaty: Hey! He knew my weakness. We cut to a scene of Track Hucksterball belly rubbing Meaty. Track Hucksterball: Who's a good puppy? You are! That's right, boy! Yes, you are! Present scene. Track Hucksterball: Don't worry, kid. Your creation is safe with me. Hucksterball Industries puts an "I" in "integrity". And if I remember correctly, then we took it back out and sold it in a toxic waste dump. Oh, and another thing...Tell your friend I'm not interest in his butt monkey. Jack Knife imitates monkey noises, while showing his pants, painted as a monkey. A moment later, Emo Crys is sadly holding a mug with a smiling hamster, realizing that his art was rebranded by Track Hucksterball. Emo Crys: I can't believe it. He already changed my art and named him...(grieffully)..."Hank the Happy Hamster. And he's...smiling. Lil Rob: It ain't all bad, dude. Owning 50% of something is still better than owning 100% of nothing, right? Emo Crys: I feel like my soul has been sucked from my body through my eye socket. Later, Lil Rob and the rest of the Grinders are skating on sidewalk, before they stopped and encountered Flipz and two kids, who were now wearing t-shirts of Hank the Happy Hamster. Flipz: See? I told you I knew the guy who created Hank the Happy Hamster. Little Girl: She's right--it's him! (pounces on Emo Crys) I love you, Hamster! The little boy and Jack Knife join in pouncing Emo Crys. Jack Knife: Can you make it out to my sister? Her name is...erm...Jack-ie Knife. Lil Rob: So what's it like riding on the first class on the fame train? Emo Crys: Surprisingly, the initial sensation of torture has slowly evolved into a mild numbness. Meaty: (puts on ship captain hat) Yeah, we're keeping the yacht. A kid on his bicycle crashes on a giant yacht with Hank the Happy Hamster's icon plastered on it. Category:Transcripts